May I introduce to you the newest member of the Whistler Diaries unofficial race team - yes thats right WD has secured the big plumber from Sheffield, the one and only Mr Steven Peat!

Yes thats right for only the measely sum of £500 WD head honcho and bike shop bitch Jamie purchased Mr Peat at a recent charity auction.

He said - 'We were at the yearly Fishers product launch, Fishers being the SRAM, Rock Shox etc importer, and at dinner there was a free bar laid on which myself and my associate decided it would be bad manners if we didn't make the most of. So not wanting to seem rude we took it upon ourselves to help alleviate the bar staff of alcohol, after all an empty bottle of JD is lighter than a full one..
So we have dinner and wine, and Fishers kick off a charity auction in aid of Stephen Murray, the BMXer who tragically broke his neck recently and whose brother works for Fishers.
The auction gets going and an overwhelming urge to bid on something so as to not look like a tight git overcomes me. We get to the last auction of the day a mystery prize no less, every other lot has been going for between £700 and £2400, so I stand up to go recycle some wine down the hallway, the biddings at £200, I raise my hand in what has now become an ongoing piss take at work, spread my fingers and announce FIVE HUNDRED to the auctioneer, turn and walk off. From inside the toilet I can hear the muffled 550 550 550 the auctioneer changes pitch as they do and I think the biddings gone up to 550, SOLD, the guy announces, 'to the gentleman who walked out of the room'. At which point a guy walks into the toilet and say's 'you just won that'. At which point an overwhelming sense of SHIT and thats pretty funny overcome me. As I walk back into the dining room its announced that I've just paid £500 to spend the afternoon with Steve Peat...
Luckily it's for a very good cause, unfortunately I can't pay my rent this month now. But it's a pretty funny story. I might get him to do £500 worth of plumbing, im pretty sure they didnt state I had to go riding with him. Alternatively I may sell it on, it's for a good cause. Anyone interested? Can we start the bidding at £500?'

Expect to see Peaty for sale on Ebay at 99p NR if Jamie cant pass him on.

Alternatively if you've got £500 and fancy riding with Mr Peat for the afternoon, drop us a line.

Last weekend on the spur of the moment the British Contingent in Queenstown decided that what would really add to the existing riding spots in town would be a pumptrack...in the shape of set of cock and balls.

The reasoning behind this is still unclear but early reports suggest that the advent of a wireless internet connection in the House of Love maybe to blame. Other commentators believe it is the latent homosexual tendencies of the British. Frankly i think its becuase we wanted to be able to tell our friends that we "are going out to pump some cock" or "go out and ride the penis"

Unfortunately, it ended up looking like a kidney bean. Still slightly cock shaped but with no disernable testicles. Funny that, how life immatates art.

In case you cant imagine it, heres an overview of the track we built...

Yes they finally got to him.

Seems little Robbie Bourbon has been dropped from the Kona Clump squad. No reason has been officially given yet. Likewise Robbies future plans have not been published.

Although i am definetely not one of his fans i do have to say i hope he gets some kinda ride cause what with both him and Duncan Riffle sponsorless we might have to got looking for a new personality to rip on. So watch out Marc Beaumont, you better be hoping these two dont dissappear from our gaze.

Saturday 19th Jan (was it the 19th? dates are for pansies anyway) brought blue skies and a fine day of racing.....fuck me thats a boring way to start a race report. sounds like a race report from Road Cycling News.

How about this instead....

Fucking Egghead should never of given up racing! Mark 'Egghead' Ellison is currently a wrench for Vertigo Bikes in Queenstown and is formerly a UK National Champion. Several years ago after reaching the giddy heights of UK race domination he sold his bikes to afford a lads holiday to Magaluf and that was the last anyone saw of him at the races.

But in just two weeks he has been storming back onto the podium (1st place NZ Nationals Coronet, 2nd place Vertigo NZ DH Racing Celebrity Bash, and now 1st Place at the Chainless at Coronet).


Mark 'EGGHEAD" Ellison the morning after celebrating another victory

So the concept was easy, take your chain off and see if you can rely on gravity and cornering skills to get you down the hill fastest. It was all meant as a fun relaxed event which is why we didnt see Adam Mantle, Katie Holden (currently in Queenstown) or Ginger Si turn up. Adam some of you may know famously blew his top last summe rin Whistler when he refused to take his chain off for the B-Line race. It seems he can't simply enjoy a race unless he his flogging his already shagged out drivetrain into the ground....but anyway, thats beside the point.

If some of you are geeky enough you may want to compare the times here against the times from the Coronet Nationals two weeks previous. Both races were held on exactly the same course, but surprisingly some people managed to go faster without a chain. Note EggHead knocked 7 seconds off his Nationals time. The track was running slightly faster due to a little overnight dew which damped down the sandpits in the corners but it is still telling that some riders didnt improve on their Nationals time. By my calculations i estimate the track was running 5-7 seconds faster on average.

Anyway, enough of the endless wonderings of 'what if?'
go find yourself some fun elsewhere

Race # First Name Surname

21 Mark Ellison 3:21.1 fastest man
128 Matt Scoles 3:21.3
120 Tim Mackersey 3:23.5
122 Troy Murdoch 3:24.6
111 Jeremy Lyttle 3:25.6
132 Brendon Gow 3:28.6
108 Seb Kemp 3:30.0
112 Cam Johnson 3:30.8
131 Kevin Fife 3:32.4
100 Christian Mauli 3:34.4
130 Senn Steel 3:37.6
105 Lawrence McBreen- 3:44.0
102 William Mathieson 3:45.4
118 Tony Moore 3:46.0
119 Sheryl McLeod 3:47.0 fastest women
113 Tom Hey 3:47.7
109 Jamie Tilbury 3:50.7
101 David Andrews 3:50.8
117 Cory Claric 3:53.4
115 Dave Zaccarelli 4:03.7
134 Dan Haydon 4:08.0
106 James Allan 4:12.0
135 Paul Dunn 4:12.2
114 Conner Gambles 4:18.6
107 Nathan Dell 4:24.8
104 Cameron Ross 4:25.6
110 Lee Roff 4:29.0
136 Richard Watt 4:33.0
126 Luke Gilchrist 4:37.1
123 Luke Murdoch 4:42.2
116 Naomi Wilson 4:44.9
127 Matthew Caldwell 5:04.9
129 Martin Cuthberts5:05.9
103 Richard Wolson DNS
124 Chris Scott DNS
125 Krissteen Smith DNS
133 Steven Foote DNS